Though, what the heck, I'll continue at my own risk.
The novel I've published is called: Skull.
As many of you would like to believe, no - it isn't based off of the integral bone in human anatomy. Rather, it is named after the main planet in the book. Skull is a harsh, jungle world holding all sorts of secrets, making it quite the setting for a sci-fi, action packed story.
I decided to share an excerpt from the book.
It will seem unfamiliar to anyone who doesn't know the characters or plot. Just know that this is a particular scene in which humans (specifically Delta squad) come into contact with an unknown, mysterious alien species.
Please do give constructive criticism in the comment section below (it helps me immensely to determine what needs to change and what needs to stay).
Three figures came out of
the thick jungle underbrush. They made soft hooting noises, like apes signaling
to one another. Cody pressed his chest farther against the damp soil, putting a
protective hand on Ann’s back as he did so. She looked confused; scared.
He saw that the other members of Delta squad had tensed,
their index fingers sliding soundlessly down to the triggers of their assault
rifles. Harvey motioned with two fingers to Cealen, who nodded understanding
and unslung his large sniper rifle.
Cody dared a second glance at the three bipedal figures,
who were slowly advancing towards them. They were roughly humanoid in shape and
stature, with hard-set features and dark purple skin, almost reptilian in
appearance. Most of their slimy skin was hidden underneath thick folds of
silver armor. They stood at nearly three meters tall, just barely trumping
Ethan’s own impressive height. One of them unleashed a double-ended saber that
sparkled with electricity.
As one of them barked an order to another in an alien
tongue, Harvey grabbed Cody hard by the collar and forced him down to the
ground.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he scolded
Cody. The poor recruit was lost for answers. His mouth had gone dry with fear.
“What are those things?” he finally managed to utter.
“Aliens,” Harvey explained matter-of-factly. A cautionary
look swept over his face. “And they’re extremely hostile.”
Thanks again for your feedback!
It is very exciting, and intense, I want to read more!
ReplyDeleteFirst off: going against the status quo by posting not-poetry, hell yeah. I like you already. And you asked for constructive criticism, so I'm going to do my best. (I used to write stuff like this cause I wanted to be an author at one time so I hope this means something to you.)
ReplyDeleteYou're a really good sci-fi writer. There's got to be a mix of made up science and fiction, and most sci-fi writers get caught up in making up the science which is like, what the heck I just want to read a book. There's a reason it's called science fiction, and I think you really know that.
Also, great visuals. You're keeping me engaged with the characters, but I also know where we are and I've got a good grasp on the scenery. This is a wonderful balance between those things.
Uh, next, if I'm correct, isn't three meters about 9 feet? Its not really a problem, it was just a little weird to be reading about Ethan, who I'm assuming is human, being 9 feet tall. Maybe there's an explanation somewhere else that I'm not getting to see, but those are my first impressions.
Idk this is really cool. Way to go man.
Thanks so much for your feedback! That's really the first time I've put that scene out, and I wasn't expecting such good comments.
DeleteAlso, you mentioned that Ethan's height seemed a little odd. I just wanted to point out that it's explained earlier on how Ethan is in fact eight feet nine inches tall. In fact, in the novel, the military nicknames him: The Walking Tank, because he's essentially a gigantic killing machine.
Thanks again for your comments!
I agree with Hailey. Very cool that you're trying something different. The trouble with these blogs is that most of us have very limited attention spans when it comes to the internet. And you're competing against smaller pieces of writing that are easier to digest in one sitting.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you understand that. So I really liked that you explained your scene and just provided an excerpt, instead of trying to post the entire thing.
I'm sorry for the lack of constructive criticism about the piece itself. I read it twice. Then I re-read your explanation of the scene. The squad encounters an alien species. That sounds simple enough. I thought you had some good description (the fingers on the guns, for example). It's tough that four or five characters are mentioned in such a short period of time. And I'm sure if I had read everything prior to this, that part may not have been as difficult to visualize.
I'm rambling. I'm going to another blog now. Keep doing you, though.